HEAR ME OUT.
You know A Chorus Line? That Broadway musical about people auditioning to be in a chorus line and they all have songs about why they want to be in it and those songs usually have anecdotes about their lives and some songs are hilarious and some are heartwarming and uplifting and some are sad…you know?
So I’ve said before that if the JLI was a Broadway musical it would be A Chorus Line.
And it would be A Justice League because they aren’t what’s typically thought of as the Justice League, they are…a Justice League.
It could be about how Max is organizing the league and why the different Leaguers want to be a part of it (or why they don’t *cough* Batman). I know Max didn’t technically form the League but he took it over and organized it so I’m taking artistic license and starting from that point and not the very beginning.
Like, Max could have an awesome opening number with scantily-clad secretaries and him basically being a hip 80’s businessman. And Ted’s song could be about how he’d like to be the hero for once instead of the glorified bus-driver/techie and how nobody knows who he is, but it would be funny and full of self-depreciating humor and Booster in the background playing a song on the world’s smallest violin. And Booster would have a show-stopper with explosions and money and it would basically be a song about how awesome he is. And Bea would have a song about how “hot” she is (it’s supposed to be cheesy OKAY) and Tora would probably have a touching slow song about how she’s still not used to the world outside her home. And Guy…yeah, he would probably say he isn’t gonna sing and then fall into a song about how everyone around him is dumb and he’s the real hero and then after Booster and Beetle would have to make fun of him for singing and he would beat them up if Tora didn’t say something about how nice his singing voice is oh cute Guy/Tora things. And Scott would have the heartwarming, uplifting number about how if you try hard enough you can do miracles or whatever.
It would basically be awesome and ridiculous.
BECAUSE LOOK AT THIS JUSTICE LEAGUE:
It can only be improved by more camp and a few musical numbers.
Big Barda would have this sweet, peppy song about being a housewife and walking her dog and going to bake sales and doing the laundry, like Doris Day…
A woman’s touch, a woman’s touch
The magic of Aladdin couldn’t do as much
She’s a wizard, she’s a champ
And she doesn’t need a lamp
A woman’s touch can weave a spell
The kind of hocus-pocus that she does so well
With the magic of a broom
She can mesmerise a room
Then some Parademons would show up and it’d go full on heavy metal. “FUCKING PARADEMONS, I’LL KICK YOUR FACES IN! FUCKING PARADEMONS, MEGA-ROD KILLING BEGIN!”